What NOT to do When You Run into Your Ex
Alright, The other day, I ran into my ex.
You know, the one who broke my heart into a billion pieces when we broke up even though he made me feel miserable for the most part of our relationship.
We all have that ONE person who hurt us more than anyone else. And running into that person isn’t exactly a walk in the park, even if years have gone by.
However, I’m still very proud of the way I managed to put myself together afterward. If the same thing happened before I started my spiritual journey, it would’ve left me shattered for weeks.
In case someone else has been feeling the same way I was feeling the other day, here’s a little something I made for you – the seven things NOT to do when you run into your ex!
1. Don’t let them destroy your day
It may feel like it, but running into your ex isn’t the end of the world.
If you’re on speaking terms, just say a quick hello and move on. Don’t open up and tell them how you’ve been really feeling – you don’t need their compassion.
If you’re not on speaking terms and you sense all the coulda, woulda, shoulda in your head, here’s what you can do.
Instead of wasting your whole day obsessing about what could’ve been, set some time to ruminate. Seriously, poke through the past for a while if you want to.
For example, I say that I’ll ruminate from 4 PM to 5 PM – and I’ll go on and do that. But once I’m done, I’m done – and I go on about my day as usual!
2. Don’t be too quick to find a replacement
Seeing your ex thriving in a new relationship doesn’t feel nice – especially if you didn’t move on as fast.
But if you want the next relationship to last, don’t jump from one relationship to the other – it’ll only make things worse.
Spend some time on your own for a change. Find out who you are without that person. Work on yourself and set your own goals.
You don’t have to go around looking for a new partner.
Trust me when I say, you’ll be able to recognize the right person when it comes into your life.
3. Don’t think it could’ve worked out
Is the voice in your head telling you that if you tried harder, things could’ve worked out between the two of you?
Well, quiet down that voice – it’s not doing you a favor. Most often, things fall apart for a reason.
If your beliefs and values are different; if the way you see the world is different; if one person tries harder than the other all the time… then no, it wouldn’t have worked out. Not then, not now, not ever.
Thank the Universe – you just dodged a bullet. Imagine wasting more of your life to a person who didn’t deserve your presence?
4. Closure can be so- over-rated.
Sometimes – most of the time – relationships don’t end well. Someone’s hurt, someone won’t listen anymore… and some things are left unsaid.
That makes you feel as if you didn’t get any closure.
However, if you still get emotionally charged near your ex… take my advice and don’t seek that closure.
It won’t do you any good if you tell them everything on your mind.
Sure, getting everything off your chest might make you feel better but will it change anything? Most of the time, it won’t – and you probably won’t be able to calmly hear each other out anyway. Because let’s be real now - if you could work your way calmly through things, you’d probably still be together!
Accept the fact you can’t change the past – and give yourself closure. It’ll make it much easier to unload your emotional baggage.
5. Don’t rush to get over them fast
Emotional baggage takes some time to process.
A break up is like a grieving process – there are phases you need to go through to let the new you emerge.
Give yourself all the time you need. There’s no need to rush – you have all the time in the world.
Sometimes, a broken heart needs a few months to heal.
And sometimes, it may take a few years. You do you – you know best how long it takes to mend your own heart.
6. Don’t assume they’re always happy…
…and you’re always miserable.
Don’t base your assumptions on what you see on social media – we all look our best on there.
Social media is doing a really great job of twisting our perception of reality. You can never know how a person is really feeling.
Truth is, the reality is neither black or white. They probably have some good days, and some bad days – same as you do.
A breakup isn’t a competition of who gets to be happier first.
Just focus on yourself and your own goals – your wellbeing is all that matters anyway.
7. Don’t deal with it alone!
If you run into your ex who by the way, happened to hurt you badly, it’s completely normal to experience particular emotions. Think sadness, shame, guilt – and maybe even anger!
Heck, it’s completely normal to even experience all of those feelings at once, a real emotional rollercoaster!
However, there’s no need to process that alone. It’s okay. As I said, we all have that one person who managed to really, really get to us.
Call your mom or your best friend or whoever you feel comfortable talking with. Talk it out with them. Let them know how you feel.
No one’s going to judge you, no matter how much time has passed. If nothing else, you’d be surprised by the amount of love and support you’re showered with!